Satan’s “Evangelism,” Part Five: Your Soul Is Dead

22Mar09

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

In Chapter Seven, Lutzer and DeVries argue that, in the spiritual future, your allegiance will belong only to things of this world, your understanding of the religious obligations of man will wither, and your very soul will shrivel up within you. And that’s the happy ending.

Lutzer and DeVries are out to bash esotericism, embodied for them in the notion that a human being can have actual contact with the Divine. This, apparently, is the Gravest of All Sins. Eve tried it and look what happened to her! Silly women, trying to understand spiritual matters. This is why God invented the kitchen.

Some highlights:

(page 102) “Since a person cannot have a spiritual experience with himself, it follows that the New Agers must be making contact with some other spiritual beings.”

[Pause for insertion of relevant movie quote: “Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims God has spoken to them, they’re speaking to me. Or they’re talking to themselves.”]

(continued) “Good angels are off-limits because they respond primarily to God and minister only to those who are children of God through faith in Jesus Christ.”

Abraham, Lot, Jacob, and all of the rest of them were not actually talking to “good angels,” because they had no faith in Jesus Christ, seeing as Jesus didn’t exist yet. They too were a bunch of esoteric heathens. Just so we’re clear.

(continued) “Nowhere does the Bible teach that we should make contact with these beings; rather, it forbids contacting any supernatural power except God.”

Or he’ll burn your offering to Baal and steal your girlfriend, just like he did in the books of Kings. Oh, and you are only allowed to contact God every third Tuesday between 8:12 and 8:17 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time, by leaving a voicemail with his secretary, Jesus.

(page 103, apropos to nothing) “A channeler is contacted who purports to ‘call up’ the dead and establish communication. But in fact, the communication is not with the dead, but with demons who impersonate the dead.”

This, actually, makes a lot of sense. It explains why seances generate answers like “yes dear, I’m fine, and by the way the lemon meringue pie recipe requires six eggs, not four,” instead of “If I DID have a message for you, don’t you think I’d have gotten it to you myself?” or “EFF OFF, I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”

Lutzer and DeVries wind this whole thing up by reminding us that we cannot believe anything we see, hear, touch, think, or experience, so we had better believe them instead. Which is exactly the plan they say Satan has been up to this whole time. Hm.

Coming soon to a blog near you: Chapter Eight, “Infiltrating the Church.”

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