Morning In America


Dear fellow Conservative-Americans,

Let me be the first to welcome you to the United Socialist States of Fascist Baby-Eaters. Yes, we are both socialist and fascist. How? Easy! The first rule of the United Socialist States of Fascist Baby-Eaters is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE UNITED SOCIALIST STATES OF FASCIST BABY-EATERS!

The second rule is “more pie!”

Anyway, now that we have a decided margin over the rest of y’all, we are poised to begin implementing our socialist policies immediately. In fact, we began last night, while you were asleep. You may notice a few changes during your morning commute, such as government-funded roads, bridges, buses, trains, and subways; government-funded schooling for children; government-funded libraries for free books and other entertainment; government-funded hospitals for veterans of government-funded wars; and government-funded community health clinics for folks who accidentally stepped on one of those government-funded rusty nails left over from our last government-funded utilities project. Oops.

…What’s that? You had all that stuff yesterday? And the candidate you voted for supported it too?



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