Obama v. McCain, pt3


10:00: McCain: Obama wants single payer.
10:01: Obama: I do not.
10:02: Obama: Let’s talk about how much McCain’s plan sucks. Twenty million of you are going on SSDI and Medicaid. The rest of you are going to pay taxes on your healthcare. Also, the average healthcare plan costs waaay more than McCain will give you or you can afford. And the insurance companies will eat a lot of cherries.
10:03: Joe wants to buy a business, which has nothing to do with how much my healthcare plan sucks.
10:04: McCain wants us to go all over America with our health care plans. My plan makes me drive to another STATE. I hate this plan.
10:05: McCain: Health care is too hard. You figure it out. I’m having a nap.
10:06: Obama: McCain’s plan sucks.
10:06: McCain: I can say “litmus test,” even though I don’t know what those are and would probably blame them for pork-barrel spending if I did. Nominees should be nominated based on their qualifications. I voted for Breyer and Ginsburg even though I think they are morons. Obama voted against Breyer and Roberts because he’s scared of brains. I will find the best judges ever who strictly adhere to the Constitution and don’t legislate from the bench. I have no fucking clue how precedent works.
10:08: Obama: I’m smiling because it’s obvious McCain has no fucking clue how precedent works. Also I am surprised he didn’t dogwhistle. I do have to pick a SCOTUS justice, though, so I’ll pick someone who isn’t a moron. Also, women are people.
10:10: McCain is trying to look like he understands what Obama is saying. Either that, or he’s still constipated.
10:11: Obama: McCain and I disagreed on Ledbetter. I think Ledbetter is crap; McCain thinks women should totally make $0.77 on every man’s dollar.
10:11: McCain: I know the words “trial lawyers,” so I’ll say them. Then I’ll accuse Obama of killing babies 130 times.
10:12: McCain: Obama is a baby-killing extremist.
10:13: Obama: McCain is a liar.
10:15: McCain: “Health” of the mother is a joke. Cindy and I know what a treasure a healthy lily-white adopted infant is. Fetuses have rights, liek totally. You just pop that kid out and I’ll raise it for you, really.
10:16: BoSchi: We spend a crapton on education, but our citizens are fucking morons. Seriously, what the hell?
10:17: Obama: If we want to save the country, we need to stop being fucking morons. We need more money and more reform. We need little kids to learn stuff. We need an army of teachers. We need college to stop costing a crapton. We need parents to fucking parent.
10:19: McCain: Schools are totally equal in America, except in low-income areas where kids go to fail school and learn failure. The free market will save your failed students. Oops, they don’t have any money. Never mind. We need to encourage people to teach for five years and then quit on their students.
10:21: Obama: unfunded mandates are made of fail. Remember: teachers, early childhood, and oh, we agree on charter schools because I too love the free market and firing bad teachers.
10:23: Obama: Children are not interest groups. McCain voted against funding children.
10:23: McCain: I’m sure you’re aware, Senator Obama, of the DC program in which money grows out of children’s ears. Clearly, these programs will fund themselves, as long as kids listen to Mr. President and don’t wash their ears.
10:24: McCain: No Child Left Behind is awesome. It assures no child will get ahead unless his daddy has lots and lots of money.
10:25: McCain: Sarah Palin knows about autism, because it’s just like Down Syndrome. We’re going to find the cause of autism and cure it, whether autistic people want to be cured or not. We’ll use vouchers to cure autism.
10:26: BoSchi: Jump on the Intertoobz. We’ve got debates! Final statements, please!
10:27: McCain: My friends, these are difficult times. I am very graphic. I am the agent of change. I have a record of doing things. I can clean. I’ve carefully shuffled your tax dollars to my friends who need it most. You can trust me because I’m white. I love this country so much I’ve sacrificed my own honor for it.
10:29: Obama: Yes, things are tough. Washington has stuck its head in the cherry blossoms for eight years. The politics of failure have failed. We must go forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom! We need to build better Americans with interchangeable parts. We need to lift and separate our wages. You may have to get off your ass and get to work for a change. I will. I won’t even take Sundays off.


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