McCain v. Obama, Round Three pt2


9:30: McCain: Whhhiiinnneee…your ads are meeeeeen….
9:31: Obama: Let’s talk about John Lewis, who is not running for President.
9:32: Obama: Your followers think I’m a terrorist who should be killed. You did not tell them to shut up. QUIT TALKING MCCAIN I AM SERIOUS HERE. We are not here to hold another referendum on the 1960s. I love this thread SO MUCH.
9:33: McCain: I hope we talk about healthcare soon because I’m being shown up as the asshole I am and it’s making me uncomfortable. I’m now going to say the one thing that will dig me even further into my hole.
9:35: Obama: We need to disagree, but in a friendly, fuzzy way. We can argue about ideas all we want, but we can’t make each other look like scum. OMFG OBAMA STOP READING MY BLOG.
9:36: McCain: Tiptoe around ginormous “TERRORIST” accusation. Dogwhistle ACORN bullshit.
9:36: Obama: O RLY? Let’s talk about Bill Ayres. RIGHT NOW. Here is what he does. Here is what he did FORTY YEARS AGO, when I was EIGHT. I could not stop him then, but I can tell everyone I think that sort of thing is crap. Here is what ACORN is. Here is what ACORN does. Apparently, ACORN was out registering black voters who were busy BEING BLACK. Also some of those volunteers fucked up. It happens. My laws can fix that. I talk to people who actually know shit when I realize there is shit I need to know.
9:39: McCain: You gave money to ACORN. You talked shit in Bill Ayres’ living room. You like to stab delicious kittens. I like to give kittens to Americans to make them feel better about the economy.
9:40: BoSchi: Our best insight into your leadership is who you picked as your running mate. NO, I AM NOT INSINUATING ANYTHING ABOUT THE CANDIDATE ON MY RIGHT. Obama, tell us what makes Joe Biden so great.
9:41: Obama agrees that Scranton is a hellhole.
9:42: McCain: Americans love Sarah Palin. Women want to be just like her. I know this because I know all about women. Also I know about corruption. And oil companies. And billions of dollars. And pipelines that say “screw Hawaii” on them. And cronyism.
9:43: Oh, @*(&@ you and your “special-needs families” that Palin understands. The fact that she signed on to endorse YOUR healthcare plan tells us she doesn’t know shit.
9:44: Obama: The American people are not so stupid they’ll think Palin is any more qualified than a bucket of brass bolts. Oh hai, you know what taking care of special needs needs? Money! The kind of money Sarah Palin cut with my Scalpel of Great Budgetary Justice!
9:45: McCain: Biden is made of fail. He voted wrong once in 1991.
9:46: McCain: Spending more will not help autistic children. Autistic children have bootstraps too. Their parents can pull them up for them.
9:46: BoSchi: SHUT UP SENATOR MCCAIN. YOU ARE MAKING US LATE. DON’T MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND. Nixon imported a shitton of oil. We’re importing a double-shitton of oil. Can we cut that back to a mere shitton in the next four years or what?
9:47: McCain: Middle Eastern and Venezuela oil is icky. Canadian oil is delicious. You can’t negotiate tastier oil. I learned about nuclear power in the fifties and never looked back. If he says the words “Cold Fusion” I’m downing an entire fucking bottle of absinthe RIGHT NOW.
9:48: Obama: We can cut back to a single shitton of oil a year, but it’ll take ten years. So I guess you’ll have to reelect my egg head.
9:50: Obama: We invented the auto industry, but today we can’t build a car for shit. What’s up with that?
9:51: Apparently, “whipping” Obama means wearing the Smirk of Superiority while Obama talks, instead of the Grimace of Shut Up You Uppity N-word. McCain looks constipated.
9:52: McCain: Free trade means sending people to community college. We export stuff to Colombia all the time. It’s expensive. We do a lot of primo Colombian stuff, if you know what I mean.
9:53: McCain: Blow is expensive! You don’t understand, silly black man!
9:53: Obama: I understand because I can read history and news, silly white man. I supported the Peruvian Free Trade Agreement because America needs more alpacas.
9:55: McCain: I’m not saying Obama is a terrorist, just that he won’t talk to our friendliest friends, but he will talk to that terrorist Hugo Chavez. I like free trade, I just don’t like the diplomacy that requires it. I don’t know which order my Depression-Era presidents go in.
9:57: Obama just looked me straight in the eye and told me I’m stuck with my shittastic health insurance. Um…thanks, fucker.
9:58: McCain: What Obama said about costs and pain and working families. I will look very concerned and talk about a bunch of shit that won’t actually change anything. The most alarming statistic ever is one that hasn’t changed since 1998. We need to reward thin people. Take this pittance I’m offering you and shove it.


2 Responses to “McCain v. Obama, Round Three pt2”

  1. “I don’t know which order my Depression-Era presidents go in.”

    rofl, THIS. McCain is advocating the exact same ideals that Hoover did which ended up digging us even deeper into the Great Depression.

  2. 2 Dani

    Not to mention that McCain said last night that the “last president to raise taxes during a recession was Herbert Hoover.” BZZZT. One of the first things Roosevelt did when he took office was raise taxes.


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