Live from Pixie Manor, Pt II: The Debate Begins

03Oct08

9:00: Hi, I’m Katie Couric. I don’t understand Palin any better than you do.
9:01: Talking head-tastic! How can you not love Bob Schieffer?
9:01: Stop talking over Gwen Ifill! She’s smarter and better-looking than all y’all!
9:02: No untoward oubursts from the audience…except RIGHT NOW, in which we can be as untoward as we like. SELLOUT!
9:03: If Palin calls Biden “Joe,” and calls herself “Joe,” how will we know who is REALLY Joe Six-Pack in America?
9:05: Soccer moms are the new economic barometer of America. They’re “resounding”! So is John McCain! Suspenderific!
9:09: Americans want something new and different! A maverick! Not some old white-haired white guy with years of experience! Mavericky! Yeah!
9:10: Palin is coming dangerously close to blaming Joe Six-Pack and Hockey Mom for being taken advantage of by predatory lenders. Oop…never mind, there she is. Her perkiness terrifies me; it’s disarmingly populist. Joe, meanwhile, is coming off as an egghead. ….Jesus Christ, could Caribou Barbie actually win this shit?
9:14: As governor, Sarah Palin decided to borrow the living shit out of creditors in order to grow her state’s economy. Check.
9:15: Maybe my proletariat ass is biased, but I find this “the middle class needs this” and “the middle class needs that” rhetoric to be classist as fuuuck. What about the poor? The non-middle class? Fuck ’em, they’ve been struggling forever, they like it? Fuck that shit.
9:17: I take issue with Palin’s taking issue with “the redistribution of wealth.” …And you are NOT middle-class. AND STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE A PERKY FIVE-YEAR-OLD.
9:18: A $5,000 health care credit isn’t going to buy me shit, Palin. And I’m a motherfucking TAXPAYER. You know, the fine economic workforce of America. I hate my health insurance coverage currently, but it’s a METRIC FUCKTON BETTER than a paltry $5k – which I spent before APRIL was out this year. Give me a REAL healthcare plan or GTFO – of my way as I wind up on SSDI.
9:21 Joe Biden is doing brilliantly getting out his platform in the short timespans allotted…but my fear is that it’s not enough. Sarah Palin is fucking perky. Even I feel like I ought to like her. AND I DISAGREE WITH EVERYTHING SHE STANDS FOR.

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One Response to “Live from Pixie Manor, Pt II: The Debate Begins”

  1. 1 nabba

    Caribou Barbie – you just topped yourself with that one 😉


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